He still loves me

Today was one of those days.

Last night, Micah decided that he was hungry and wanted to eat every couple of hours. One little girl kept waking-up, screaming for a drink of water. The other didn’t make it to the bathroom in time, and the bed sheets needed changing. Then, 3 little kids decided to wake-up before the rooster this morning, yet it was obvious that they should all still be in bed. There was arguing, fighting, tears, and… fuss, fuss, fuss!

The fridge and cupboards were practically empty, which called for a lot of creativity in order to put something on the table for breakfast. And somehow, the pile of laundry had more than doubled in the night. Then, once David was gone, I was left to deal with the fighting, tears, and fussiness on my own. As we went about our morning schedule, I became increasingly aware of how much patience I do NOT have.

After leftovers for lunch, it was finally time for 3 little ones to lay down for a much needed nap! After quite some time and disciplining, two little girls finally fell asleep. Yet, then little brother woke-up and decided that he was all done sleeping for the afternoon. Several minutes later, the phone rang, and then all 3 little ones were awake again.

Deciding that some fresh air would do us all some good, we began the long procedure of getting dressed to go outside. Forty minutes later, we were all warmly dressed and on our way out the door. It was windy and chilly outside, but it was still nice. The girls began happily playing in the ‘sand’ when I noticed a handful of elderly ladies who came and sat down on a bench close to us. Recognizing several of them, I realized rather quickly that they were all drunk. That’s o.k., I thought. We’ll just stay over here and play, and I’m pretty sure they won’t bother us. Well, several minutes later, another elderly lady comes, obviously having had way too much to drink. It was then that I decided we needed to go back inside. Yet, before I had said anything to the kids, this lady became very, very sick and started vomiting everywhere. The girls just stared, as I quickly ordered them to pick up their toys and go inside. One of the other ladies followed us inside, talking all the way.
Once safely inside our apartment, I became very, very sad. I remembered how I grew-up, running barefoot in the green grass, climbing in the hay mile, playing hide-and-go-seek in the cornfields, exploring the nearby creek, and here were my kids. Playing in dirt, trash, and watching drunks throw-up.

As my kids are now in bed, I feel like the worse mom alive. I was very impatient with them today… not at all the mommy that they need me to be… or the mommy that He wants me to be. I also became very disgusted and frustrated with the conditions in which we live, not being at all content in my heart. Oh, I’m so sorry!

Today, the girls were listening to a Veggie-tales music CD. One of the songs really caught my attention. Junior Asparagus was singing a song. He sang how one day he woke-up and everything went right. He obeyed all the rules and did great in school. It was easy to sing “He loves me”. Then, the next day, everything went bad. He woke-up late, did terrible in school, and got in trouble at home. Yet, he was able to sing, “still, He loves me”. I stopped what I was doing and just soaked in this truth for a while. “He still loves me.” Even when my day doesn’t go well at all, and I mess up a lot, “He still loves me”. I’m so thankful for that!