Germany has many world-wide known music schools. Johann attends one located right here in our city. The following is a picture of his school which I took the other day.
During the concert, I spent those two hours battling within myself. I couldn't help but reminisce a little.
As long as I can remember, I have enjoyed music. Most of my elementary and high school years were spent studying and practicing the piano. Playing the piano was what I enjoyed doing most of all. It was so much fun and relaxing for me to sit down at the piano and work at mastering the next classical piece.
When high school was finished, I found myself facing a most difficult decision. So many people encouraged me to continue on with music and attend a school specifically for that. Attending a music school sounded like a dream! How wonderful that would be! Yet, I couldn’t ignore the voice that was speaking, and had been speaking to me since I was a child. What about all those people in this world who still live without hope?
Some time later, I was still at a loss of what to do. One day, while I was talking to him, I believe that he gave me two choices. I could either attend a music school and work with those who already have hope (or at least, the opportunity to) or I could instead begin training to go to those who still live in hopelessness. It didn’t take me long to make the decision. How could I not go to those who have no hope? After the decision was made, I felt such a peace as well as his approval. I said “good-bye” to the thought of music school.
I wouldn’t change where I am now. I know that this is where he has led me and where he wants me to be. Yet, at times, like last evening, the longing is just so great to run my fingers across the ivory keys of a piano. I wonder how it “might have been” if I would have attended a school to further my music education. When going to Asia, several people told me that they thought I was wasting the talent he has given me. I certainly don’t want to do that. It is my greatest desire to do what he wants me to do. He is the one who has given me the love for music as well as the ability to play piano. Whenever he wants me to play the piano, I am totally willing to do so. Over the years he has provided unique opportunities for me to play, of which I’m so thankful.
I am also so thankful for the keyboard that we have in Asia. It’s such a blessing! Yet, I don’t get to play as often as I’d like. During the day, there’s so much going on… meals to prepare, laundry to do, little noses to wipe, ouchies to kiss, guests to entertain, language to study, etc. Then in the evening when the little ones are tucked into bed, I feel like I need to use that time to study language, spend time with him, and catch-up with my husband. Yet, those few precious moments when I can ‘steal away’ and spend some time playing are wonderful!
So during the concert, I was asking myself the question, “what if”? What if I would have gone to music school? What if I was now a music teacher? What if I wouldn’t have listened to the still small voice inside? I spent a few minutes dreaming of having a beautiful grand piano and being able to play all evening after coming home from teaching music to children all day. Yet then I thought, if that were all so, I would have never met my dear sweet husband. I would not have sweet little Aria and Nina to cuddle with. I would not be heading to a land full of hopelessness that is in so much need of hope. What a privilege! No, I don’t want to live in the thoughts of “what if”. I am so blessed and am full of gratitude for where he has brought me. I was therefore able to leave the concert with this thought… this life is not my own. May it be all his.